I went to bed last night with a stressful issue on my mind. I woke up 1:00am and immediately began processing the event. Unfortunately, I had an unpleasant and hurtful experience yesterday. I had been praying and processing it right up to the time I finally fell asleep. I had made an error in judgment. If you are imperfect like me, you too have been-there-done-that more than once.

Rather than kindly coming directly to me, they chose to talk about it to others instead. I knew that I would resolve it today, but it still bothered me that they didn’t come to me first, hence the sleepless night. Finally at 2:00am I got up, got dressed, went to the couch and read until I fell asleep.
 
As usual my eyes popped open at the crack of dawn. The first thing I saw was an orange-red glow out my window and I was on my feet and out the door – phone in hand.  As I stood there taking in those first morning rays and the brilliance of the sunrise, I felt reassured of a Mighty Creator’s love and I took his hand.
 
Oddly enough, every morning I wake up with a song in my head. I don’t know why my brain does that, it just does. It is always random and doesn’t have to be one that I have recently heard. Today was no exception – except that this time I took the time to ponder on: why that phrase; why today?
 
It was a line from a Barbara Streisand song: Don’t Rain on My Parade; that kept repeating in my mind. (Yes, I know I’m odd. I’ve learned to live with it. )  That one line from the song is: “But whether I'm the rose Of sheer perfection, Or freckle on the nose Of life's complexion”… Huh? After pondering a few minutes, some clarity came.
 
So as I’m standing there drinking in this spectacular sunrise, and conversing with the Creator, it dawns on me.... I’m that “freckle”!  In other words, I am the imperfection, on the nose of life’s complexion! I’m not perfect, but the gift of life and this – this sunrise – is!
 
I’m okay being the freckle. I am strong enough to process the pains of life. I can forgive the imperfections, oversights and mistakes of others. In his own time, God will teach them what they need to learn as he does with all of us.
 
While still looking at the sunrise, I also began to process the news that my cousin just lost her only son in a tragic accident. A few years prior to that, she lost her only daughter in a tragic accident. A few years prior to that, her husband died of cancer. I wanted to get in the car and drive to Texas so I could hug her and cry with her.
 
At that moment I grasped the reality that there are bigger things in this world to feel hurt over and still bigger ones to come. My concern over the first issue faded and became insignificant. Move on, my brain said. And my cousin? It will take many sunrises and holding tightly onto Jehovah’s hand in the coming days and years. I gain strength and courage knowing that she will not let go.
 
We make mistakes. We know who we need to forgive. We have endured major heartbreaks that rupture our core. If you haven’t had one of those yet, be patient, you will. But every day there is a beautiful sunrise somewhere in this world. It can serve as a constant reminder of a Creator that loves us when we are broken, and even when we are the “freckle on the nose of life’s complexion”.
 
 
Photo By J. Santino – 06/02/2020
​

​This War with Addiction: An Addicts Cry
 
 
The time has come to beat the war-drum
that will start the final battle.
To end the war that has long conquered inside
that vigorously quaked with an incredible rattle.
 
Love, compassion, and strength forced to subside,
as craving and numbness seemed all that was left...
...the spirit is put to the test.
 
Inside the cage where your demons will rage,
hostage is the heart when all life falls apart.
Fueling the fear that follows very near,
stalking you like a predator in the night...
...discouraging what is right.
 
To give in to addiction
is to swim in the river of shattered goals
that will carry you down to the sea of lost dreams.
 
Where order is chaos in continuing waves,
while the current of selfishness leads you out further,
you will lose yourself as your conscience screams...
...bloody murder.
 
Once the shore of sanity is out of sight
it will grasp you more with every fight.
When you wash up on the island of isolation,
trapped you will be with emotional starvation.
 
Sinful tears you will sow in the sand,
secrets will grow and you reap with your own hand.
Lies will branch out...
 ...bearing fruit of dishonesty.
 
Once you take a bite the guilt you will swallow,
digesting the shame that makes you hollow.
And now you keep eating with every regret,
the more you have the sicker you’ll get.
 
When the light of your spirit is eclipsed by the shadow,
sad you will be when your heart is shallow.
Your oxygen it will take and your blood it will drain;
what then will you say before you realize...
...addiction is pain
 
This true face of addiction is the way I see it.
Keeping itself hidden and follows you around like your own shadow.
The shadow of the addict,
this face of addiction some might agree
whether fiction or non that’s for you to see
 
Don’t be discouraged as recovery is slow.
Take God’s hand and He will hand you a rope.
He is forgiveness and the power of hope.
 
How can you fight an enemy that you cannot see?
Search your heart and find that recovery is key.
No hope is lost, but waiting to be found...
....in this war with addiction.

Written by a young man early in recovery, 2013
CreateBalance.net - © All Rights Reserved

​Written while serving time in the Huntsville Texas Penitentiary at age 37
 
 
My heart within my chest does throb, God has been good to me.
He gave me body straight and tall with limbs strong like a tree.
He placed within my dreams the things to which I might attain.
Though it be fame throughout the world, or just a mortal plane.
In youth and health I come and go to ‘er my hearts content.
Alas, I find my health does eb and so my youth is spent.
Where once my dreams inside of me, soared wild and free and high,
I hold but cherished memories while on death's bed I lie.
Hear now to God I won’t complain, nor do him I beseech.
For once the wildest fondest dreams were there within my reach.
But for you son, who follow me, to God I bow to pray.
That he in wisdom lead you on, and clearly mark the way.
So that when you in time to come, stand waiting at death's door;
May gaze your past and think... I could not accomplish more.
Now search your soul look out ahead, what do you wish to be?
Look up to God and ask his help, lest you end up like me.
Set you a goal and strive for it, with work in zeal and zest.
Press on and fight with all your force give not your body rest.
In time to come, when looking back, the way your life was spent.
You’ll thank me then for all these words, for you will be quite content.
So if my words do stir you up to works of contribution;
In mercy God may let you be, to me, a retribution;
And pardon me for things undone in my life lived in haste;
And let me share Your joys that mine, be not a total waste. 
 
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